He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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