Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
