hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
