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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
