i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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