we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
