if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
