He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
