you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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