highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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