Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
