im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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