Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
