My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
