I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
