I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
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Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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