i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
