I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
