My nipple is on Facebook.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
false alarm. still invincible.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
