Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I hope mine doesn't look like that
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
