i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
