She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
