i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
