I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
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According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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