Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
