there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
