you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
