I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
