I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize