I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
