I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
