You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
