another moral hangover. fuck.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
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We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
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we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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