im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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