Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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