I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
