toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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