this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
