wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
