This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize