can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
