i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
