Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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