After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
