So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
