i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
