yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My feet surprised me
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