im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
