"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The air taste purple.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
