Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
