Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
