They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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