It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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