I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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