he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
please don't ironically join a cult
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