If i come over, it means nothing
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
