So drunk its hurt
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
